Like, I have bad teeth, and am not very healthy, and that’s mostly because I didn’t think I’d live long and looks don’t matter when you’re dead.

I remember being on holiday, I was 15, and my brother saying to me “you have to eat more or you’ll die” and I just wanted to say “who cares” ‘cause I just didn’t care if I did die.

Sometimes I can’t believe that I actually made it to 21.

It’s not an old age. But as a teenager I didn’t think I’d live past 18. Yet here I am. Almost 22 and still going strong… ish.

It’s sometimes still very hard for me to see a future where I’m happy. And I still have an end game for, whenever I may (or may not) need it.

I have an email in my inbox that I don’t want to open because it might make me want to hurt myself again.

It’s not even a bad email. It’s just makes me want to give up. On everything.

I could be blowing this out of proportion. It could be a positive email.

I just don’t know if I can take the risk.

Sometimes I just get so angry that I want to break everything.

I want to tear the whole world apart.

Sometimes I don’t think I have eating problems. Because I eat what I want. Or I think I do.

I’m very thin and want to gain weight, but the thought of gaining weight scares the crap out of me. And sometimes it makes me not want to eat.

I also hate it when people tell me I’m too skinny. Especially my parents ‘cause when they say it it sounds like an attack. So I kind of don’t eat because it’s a way of control. Of taking the control they have over me and keeping it for myself.

I don’t like people who are close to me (family/friends) looking at some of my work, because I feel like they’re judging me on a more personal level.

I’m fine with a stranger telling me my work is shit, but when it’s someone I know I can’t seem to separate myself from my work.

I’ve sent the dreaded email to my brother.

I don’t like mixing work/professional things with personal/family things. I feel like my family should just let me get on with the whole job thing and not ask so many stupid questions.

I know they want the best for me and all that shit, but it makes me feel like crap and I just want to cry forever.

I just don’t know how people can actually do anything.

Why is life so shit?

I feel so lost and confused, I don’t know what to do any more.

Maybe I never did know what to do. I was just pushed into a certain direction.

I don’t know how to live. Which is shit because I feel like I shouldn’t be living.

I need help, but I don’t know what kind.

It’s times like this I wonder why I never ended it.

Can I just build a cocoon around me and never leave, please?